Cynergy Coaching

Rise Above It

2008-11-18T02:04:00.001-08:00

Unfortunately, yesterday I was confronted with a situation which was completely unexpected - a disagreement with an acquaintance. Our conversation began civilly but when I questioned something she had claimed I'd said earlier (her claim was inaccurate) it quickly slid downhill, and fast!

Despite having to listen to a barrage of abuse and then getting hung up on (!) I remained as calm as possible throughout - not an easy task when someone is attacking your integrity.

But although I would have loved to sling a few choice words back at her I am now pleased that I maintained my dignity. Sometimes saying nothing and letting someone finish their rant (because they're never going to listen to what you have to say anyway) is better than antagonising them.

Shocked by what I had just gone through I felt the need to share my story with anyone that would listen. And to my surprise, no one else was surprised! Not because they knew the person but because they had all gone through a similar situation before (one person said he had up to four phone calls like that per day!)

It got me thinking - its not that I (or the other people I was speaking to) deserved it. Rather that some people feel that they can justifiably speak to others in such a manner and it be ok. What it really amounts to is school yard bullying - and I'm amazed at how many people are using this tactic to get their way.

So what do you do if you're faced with a situation like this? Remain calm and not take it personally. Know your legal rights and stand your ground. For some of us (me included), it doesn't hurt to be reminded that you cannot satisfy everyone. Concentrate your efforts on those you can...

Be Spontaneous

2008-11-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

With so much of our lives governed by rules and routines, its easy to get caught up in living a monotonous existence. Plodding along, doing what is expected... doing what you've always done.

But how boring is that! Sure its great when you do the same thing over and over (because chances are you become really good at it - what a great boost to your self-confidence!), but is it really fulfilling?

I was at the movies last night and saw the trailer for a new Jim Carrey film - Yes Man. The movie itself looks pretty lame, but the overriding message has some merit. Instead of just doing what you've always done (and that may be saying no to anything out of your comfort zone), why not say 'yes'!

Why not join that scone baking group, go to an Antiguan restaurant, learn how to play bocce...

Why not make the decision to do something new/different once a week and have a little fun. Who knows where it may take you :)

Double Bookings - How To Please Everyone

2008-10-25T22:00:00.001-07:00

Well unfortunately you can't! And the sooner you come to realise that, the easier it is to make a decision.

You know what I'm talking about - when you've accidentally organised to do something and you've forgotten you'd already promised to do something else. So how do you get around it?

First up, you can compromise. Could either event be rescheduled to another day or time? If so, great, problem solved. If it can't be then that's where you need to make the tough decision.

Either way you go you're inevitably going to offend someone. You could take the path of least resistance and pike on the option with the least fallout. But what if you can't even do that because both events are equally important?

Well there's really only one solution - honour your first commitment and apologise to the second. People will have more respect for you if you're honest and upfront about (stupidly) double-booking then they will if they think you've just picked your favourite option. If your first op is your favourite one, well that's just a bonus...

And in future - use a diary ... !

Take Your Own Advice

2008-10-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

There are going to be times in your life when you have to make some big decisions (like which uni course to choose, which career to follow, where to go for holidays...) and it always helps when you have your family and/or friends around you as a sounding board.

Whilst its great to have the support and guidance of those close to you, be careful that you don't fall into the trap of actually doing what they want you to do.

Take for example, my husband and I buying a house. We've been looking for a year now, just waiting to find that perfect place. We've spent many hours agonising over the pros and cons of all options, when to put offers in and when not to. We've even dragged our families around to open house inspections - our record was 4 houses in 40mins!

And now with all of the uncertainty with the current economic instability, nearly everyone has told us to hold off and sit tight. And that's when it happened - we found it. And they still told us to hold off. But contrary to the well meaning advice we were getting we went with our gut and snagged (what we believe to be) a bargain.

They're now so excited for us, and constantly telling us how well we've done!

If you know that what you're doing is the right thing for you, then go for it. Listen to those close to you and take on board their opinions and advice but at the end of the day you have to happy with your decision. Besides, nothing beats the satisfaction of giving a wry smile when they pat you on the back for a job well done...

Are We Doing Too Much?

2007-08-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

Leading on from the last entries comes this age old question - Are We Doing Too Much? And from that, are we not satisfied if we're not overloaded with the pressures of work, friends, family and 'me time'?

Today I had an extremely productive lunch hour. I didn't do one bit of 'work', rather spent the time planning trips, booking theatre tickets and organising events - all of those fun things you wish you could be doing with your assigned eight (if you're lucky!) working hours in a day.

And yet, I was still going at a hundred miles an hour. I'm exhausted. What's worse though is I ran out of time to actually get out of the office (and today was one of only a handful of warm summer days so far - what was I thinking!)

Its time to slow down - not put pressure on ourselves to have everything now! Go outside and enjoy what is around you and take 30mins a day to unwind. Read a book, listen to your ipod. Just get outside and be thankful for what you have now, right in this moment!

Its a hard lesson for a Gen Yer to learn - but yes, there is time to fit it all in!

Still Living Happy And Guilt Free

2007-07-26T11:17:00.000-07:00

As promised, some more tips ...

Be present in the moment. The past is to learn from, the future is to keep you inspired but its what you’re doing right now that counts.
Have some direction – set yourself realistic and timely goals for your big ambitions and then break them down into smaller goals and actions
Don’t just move straight on to the next thing - celebrate your achievements, even if it is with something small – a coffee, a massage, a new bag or pair of shoes
Manage your time effectively and efficiently – eg. embrace a brunch or afternoon coffee to catch up with friends rather than dinner and drinks
Make an appointment in your diary to see or speak to your mum at least once a week – and stick to it!
Get smart with your time and combine different needs (do something fun that you’ve never done before that you’ve always wanted to do … and then ask a friend to come along – a community college course, cooking class, sporting team?)
After a break up, treat yourself to something you didn’t do, but wanted to, when you were in the relationship
Grab a buddy and commit to sending each other one text/email each day, starting with “today I am grateful for … – think of it as a “warm and fuzzy” for yourself!?!

Living Happy and Guilt Free

2007-07-21T07:29:00.000-07:00

It isn’t enough that society places so much pressure on us to excel in every area our lives, but when we add our own expectations to the mix, we can really be setting ourselves up for disappointment. There are so many pressures on young people that the reality is we can become so overwhelmed that despite our achievements we are never happy with our results.

So what does it mean to be “happy” and “guilt free”? Happiness is often mistaken as being successful which can be superficially measured by how many friends we have on Facebook, how exciting we are as lovers, whether or not we’re wearing next season’s fashions now and the amount of money we hint at but never admit to having.

But this isn’t happiness – happiness is the result of getting our natural human needs in just the right balance. So what are those needs? – simply put we need to give and receive love, contribute to others’ lives and to society, have variety in our own lives, feel that we’re important, experience growth and have our own freedom.

No small feat really to balance all of this, but recognising whether you are fulfilled in each of these areas will help identify the cause behind that guilty feeling. Start with a 1-5 scale for each, 1 being very unfulfilled and 5 being very fulfilled. Now identify those areas that you feel could do with improving and start taking action (even if it is just something small like taking out your neighbour’s garbage when they’re away).

Guilt is just an emotion that we allow to influence our decisions. It is our choice whether we want it to dictate our lives. If you don’t want the guilt of not achieving to take control then make the decision now to be happy and content with who you are. Concentrate on what you need to do for yourself on an internal level and you’ll be amazed at not only how much you achieve, but also how much you appreciate what you achieve.

Stay tuned for more tips on living happy and guilt free ...

People Can Only See What We Want Them To See

2007-07-05T12:10:00.000-07:00

I was uploading my digital photos the other day from the past couple of months. It was no small feat I must say. I think I had about 250 to sort through and cull down to a nice 85 that would be suitable to print at a later date. Of these 85, I've now downgraded to my best 25 and put them on Facebook (yes, I'm getting into it now!)

I have received numerous comments already about how great they are and how well I "look" like I'm going over here in the UK. Well of course they'd say that! I've carefully and painfully selected only the best and most diverse range of photos to show. Ones that show me in different places, with different people, doing different things.

Not that I’m not doing all of these things, but I guess like the figures suggest, you’re only seeing 35% of me. You don’t see the times I get caught in the rain (because yes, its summer and still the weather’s miserable here in England!), or squashed in the bus with every other person trying to get home, or carrying too much shopping in bags that may break at any second…

And yet its who I am in these moments that are the real reflection of me.

So what are you like in that 65% of your life? Are you selfless and give up your seat for others (see my previous post below)? Do you embrace the rain and take pleasure in nature’s cool presence or does it just make you angry? Do you still know how to laugh at yourself even when you know something’s not going to go as planned?

We all have a public image, one that we want others to look at and to believe in. But this isn’t what’s important, its who you are in those discarded photos that show the real you. And although you may not print them, make sure you look at them every now and then and remember to enjoy those candid moments of you.

"Respect Your Elders" - What Does That Mean?

2007-06-23T02:35:00.000-07:00

What should be the most relaxing part of my day, actually turns out to be the most stressful - the bus ride to and from work!

Sometimes I'm lucky enough to get a window seat, in which case the rest of the journey is spent in idle bliss with my ipod on as I watch the world go by. If however the bus is already filling up and I have to get an aisle seat, well its an hour of stress!

You'd think I'd be grateful that I don't have to stand for the whole journey but oh no ... the intricacies of social etiquette sends my head into a spin.

You see, I've been brought up to Respect My Elders and when I see no one giving up their seats for the older passengers I start to get a little on edge. There are the dedicated seats for elderly or immobile people, yet no one moves or even offers a token gesture to move.

So who should move? Well firstly, those in the marked seats should - without a doubt! The quandary comes with who should move next - should the young people, or the older men? Both will argue they're paying the same fare. Should the men be chivalrous (well I think those days are gone) or should the young people respect their elders (I think those days may be gone too)!

The other day in my non-marked-special seat I offered an older lady my seat - and she politely declined, opting instead to stand for the next 40mins!?! Was she too surprised that someone would offer their seat, or did she really not want it? Maybe its insulting to offer your seat because it simply reminds people that they are getting older.

The end result - you can't win. I now wait for the emptier bus to make sure I get a window seat!

Gen Y - Are They Living In This World?

2007-06-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

I never thought the day would come when I would say “where are the good old days of emails?” To yearn for a letter, well that’s just outdated … but an email???

Understandably as technology improves, the ways in which we communicate are constantly changing. First there was MySpace, then YouTube. The latest craze to hit our virtual world is Facebook, another social network. To the untrained eye (that is, me) it seems much like MySpace (though probably has better viral marketing).

So, as is the case with these fads, I joined – begrudgingly. Now I realise I’m at the more “mature” end of Gen Y and that this comment makes me feel old (as though already I’m not able to keep up with change) but I’m totally overloaded. Between a website, blogs, online newsletters, regular emails (all of which require immediate attention of course), I feel like I’m constantly glued to a computer.

My relationships with my friends and family are all screened and observed by my little black laptop!

So my way of dealing with all of this – total boycott for a whole week! (Well except for emails, living 17000kms away from home means you still crave some cyber love!)

So is this the right answer, probably not. Not only do you have an enormous amount of work to do when you come back online, but it also means you’ve missed out on important moments in your friends lives.

Nothing beats a good catch up over a coffee (or a hot chocolate if you’ve never been able to embrace caffeine like myself), but I’m afraid that unless you take it in your stride, you may miss out on your friends’ lives altogether…

Gen Y - In The Workplace

2007-06-09T12:52:00.000-07:00

A recruiter told me the other day about a young girl (degree qualified) who had been at her job for three weeks, was asked to make tea for the boss, got the cranks and quit!

Sounds ridiculous, and just a little extreme, but would this occur in your workplace? If the answer is yes, then pay attention:

Gen Y in the workplace can be just a little cocky, impatient and often have short attention spans. Yet at the same time they can be very passionate about your cause, adapt easily to change and embrace new technologies.

So what do you do to make the most of your talent?

Encourage participation in decision making, coach (rather than dictate) in your management style, motivate with flexible conditions,and reward with recognition. However, most importantly, you still need to set specific boundaries and be clear in your expectations of them, you're still the boss after all.

Focus On Your Strengths

2007-06-03T11:15:00.000-07:00

We've all heard many times before that we need to concentrate on our weaknesses in order to become successful. But how has that worked for you so far? If you've read my last blog you'll probably agree that its really hard to work on these weaknesses because you most likely don't enjoy them at all!

So how about reversing that theory - and focus on your strengths instead! You'll love doing what you're good at and the more you get to do it the better you'll become (think 'expert' status!).

And so what of those weaknesses - well get someone else to do them ...On one condition though - make sure that that someone considers your weakness their strength!

No, I Still Haven't Done It

2007-05-29T14:24:00.000-07:00

If you're anything like me, you're probably swamped with numerous things to do, all pulling you in different directions and all demanding your immediate attention.

Thing is, we so often get caught up in doing the small things, or the more enjoyable things, that before we know it, time has passed us by and that big task that you say you'll keep getting to tomorrow, still isn't done!

So, now's the time to stop ... take a deep breath ... and jump right in! If you're finding everything a little too overwhelming then make sure you take some time out each day (even if its only for 30mins) to just relax and recharge your mind. If its that you really can't get motivated to do it, then change the task slightly to make it more enjoyable.

How do you do this? - Change the environment you're doing it in, alter the process or bring someone else on board to keep you company. Your time is valuable - make sure you like how spend it.

When Is Too Much, Not Enough?

2007-05-27T13:55:00.000-07:00

I find it amusing that on a relaxing weekend away to the Blue Mountains with some of my closest friends, our discussion inevitably leads from catching up on our recent successes to what we have identified as our generation‘s greatest curse - Opportunity Overload. In a place ideal for reflection and introspection, the frustration of living in a generation that has the world at its finger tips is ironically raised in the one location we have all taken refuge to get away from said world.

And it’s not the first time our concerns have been raised. The ‘light bulb’ moment first came several years ago and was met with certain scorn towards our parent’s generation (commonly known as the Baby Boomers) for raising our expectations of what we can achieve with our lives. Whilst not ungrateful for the amazing opportunities we have been given, it’s the confusion that comes with it and that internal struggle for some sort of direction that has us worried.

But why are WE so concerned? We’re all educated, have decent jobs and live in nice houses. In years gone by these would have been the ingredients of a fulfilling life – not so now. Is our generation looking for an alternative definition of fulfillment or are we just plain greedy in wanting it all and wanting it now?

What career should I do? Do I go for a job for the money or the skills? Should I go through university, TAFE or a private training organisation? Should I travel first? Do I rent or stay at home and save? Now these questions are not exclusive to our generation and it would be inconsiderate to acknowledge that our parents didn’t go through the same issues – it’s all part of life. However it’s the surrounding environment that has changed so dramatically that it is now harder to answer these questions. Its no wonder young people are confused – there’s just too much choice. We now live in a world where communication is instant, gratification is essential and expectations are high.

So this is where coaching can step in. We’re passionate in our focus on young adults and teenagers and in equipping our clients with the skills and techniques to sort through the opportunities and to identify what they really want and understand who they really are.

Generation Y - Out And About

2007-05-22T02:34:00.000-07:00

If you’re a Generation Yer, chances are you already know of (and are signed up to) MySpace and YouTube. But have you seen these other cool links …

www.frankteam.com.au – for enterprising young people (subscribe for free to their 2 e-mags for lots of interesting info: ‘Ignite’ and ‘Frank’)

www.ymi.com.au – the website for the brand new quarterly magazine dedicated to Gen Y. Don’t expect gossip and sensationalism though (sorry Paris lovers), this magdeals with the real issues confronting young Aussies

http://www.mccrindle.com.au/wp_pdf/Wordup_Lexicon.pdf - a guide to the foreignlanguage of Generation Y

And lastly, for good measure …

http://www.yakka.com.au/Catalogue.asp?Sub=GenY – Hard Yakka’s clothing range for fashion conscious tradies (no its not a joke!)

Generation Y - Who Are They?

2007-05-20T09:35:00.000-07:00

There's so much hype about 'Generation Y' these days, but who are they?

When we speak of Generation Y, we’re talking about those commonly agreed to as being born between 1978 & 1994. They are a generation that, according to Generation Y expert Peter Sheahan, is street smart, lifestyle centred, tech savvy andindependently dependent. On the flip side though, they are also informal, skeptical and rather impatient young individuals.

Sound like someone you know? As a teenager / young adult, or as the parent of one,life can be a little frustrating at times. Although appearing to be in control, its notuncommon for a Generation Yer to feel as though they don’t know what they want orwho they are.

And that's where we come in ... because we specialise in Generation Y coaching to help young people achieve clarity in what they want out of life.

http://www.cynergycoaching.com.au