Rise Above It

Unfortunately, yesterday I was confronted with a situation which was completely unexpected - a disagreement with an acquaintance. Our conversation began civilly but when I questioned something she had claimed I'd said earlier (her claim was inaccurate) it quickly slid downhill, and fast!

Despite having to listen to a barrage of abuse and then getting hung up on (!) I remained as calm as possible throughout - not an easy task when someone is attacking your integrity.

But although I would have loved to sling a few choice words back at her I am now pleased that I maintained my dignity. Sometimes saying nothing and letting someone finish their rant (because they're never going to listen to what you have to say anyway) is better than antagonising them.

Shocked by what I had just gone through I felt the need to share my story with anyone that would listen. And to my surprise, no one else was surprised! Not because they knew the person but because they had all gone through a similar situation before (one person said he had up to four phone calls like that per day!)

It got me thinking - its not that I (or the other people I was speaking to) deserved it. Rather that some people feel that they can justifiably speak to others in such a manner and it be ok. What it really amounts to is school yard bullying - and I'm amazed at how many people are using this tactic to get their way.

So what do you do if you're faced with a situation like this? Remain calm and not take it personally. Know your legal rights and stand your ground. For some of us (me included), it doesn't hurt to be reminded that you cannot satisfy everyone. Concentrate your efforts on those you can...

Be Spontaneous

With so much of our lives governed by rules and routines, its easy to get caught up in living a monotonous existence. Plodding along, doing what is expected... doing what you've always done.

But how boring is that! Sure its great when you do the same thing over and over (because chances are you become really good at it - what a great boost to your self-confidence!), but is it really fulfilling?

I was at the movies last night and saw the trailer for a new Jim Carrey film - Yes Man. The movie itself looks pretty lame, but the overriding message has some merit. Instead of just doing what you've always done (and that may be saying no to anything out of your comfort zone), why not say 'yes'!

Why not join that scone baking group, go to an Antiguan restaurant, learn how to play bocce...

Why not make the decision to do something new/different once a week and have a little fun. Who knows where it may take you :)

Double Bookings - How To Please Everyone

Well unfortunately you can't! And the sooner you come to realise that, the easier it is to make a decision.

You know what I'm talking about - when you've accidentally organised to do something and you've forgotten you'd already promised to do something else. So how do you get around it?

First up, you can compromise. Could either event be rescheduled to another day or time? If so, great, problem solved. If it can't be then that's where you need to make the tough decision.

Either way you go you're inevitably going to offend someone. You could take the path of least resistance and pike on the option with the least fallout. But what if you can't even do that because both events are equally important?

Well there's really only one solution - honour your first commitment and apologise to the second. People will have more respect for you if you're honest and upfront about (stupidly) double-booking then they will if they think you've just picked your favourite option. If your first op is your favourite one, well that's just a bonus...

And in future - use a diary ... !

Take Your Own Advice

There are going to be times in your life when you have to make some big decisions (like which uni course to choose, which career to follow, where to go for holidays...) and it always helps when you have your family and/or friends around you as a sounding board.

Whilst its great to have the support and guidance of those close to you, be careful that you don't fall into the trap of actually doing what they want you to do.

Take for example, my husband and I buying a house. We've been looking for a year now, just waiting to find that perfect place. We've spent many hours agonising over the pros and cons of all options, when to put offers in and when not to. We've even dragged our families around to open house inspections - our record was 4 houses in 40mins!

And now with all of the uncertainty with the current economic instability, nearly everyone has told us to hold off and sit tight. And that's when it happened - we found it. And they still told us to hold off. But contrary to the well meaning advice we were getting we went with our gut and snagged (what we believe to be) a bargain.

They're now so excited for us, and constantly telling us how well we've done!

If you know that what you're doing is the right thing for you, then go for it. Listen to those close to you and take on board their opinions and advice but at the end of the day you have to happy with your decision. Besides, nothing beats the satisfaction of giving a wry smile when they pat you on the back for a job well done...

Are We Doing Too Much?

Leading on from the last entries comes this age old question - Are We Doing Too Much? And from that, are we not satisfied if we're not overloaded with the pressures of work, friends, family and 'me time'?

Today I had an extremely productive lunch hour. I didn't do one bit of 'work', rather spent the time planning trips, booking theatre tickets and organising events - all of those fun things you wish you could be doing with your assigned eight (if you're lucky!) working hours in a day.

And yet, I was still going at a hundred miles an hour. I'm exhausted. What's worse though is I ran out of time to actually get out of the office (and today was one of only a handful of warm summer days so far - what was I thinking!)

Its time to slow down - not put pressure on ourselves to have everything now! Go outside and enjoy what is around you and take 30mins a day to unwind. Read a book, listen to your ipod. Just get outside and be thankful for what you have now, right in this moment!

Its a hard lesson for a Gen Yer to learn - but yes, there is time to fit it all in!

Still Living Happy And Guilt Free

As promised, some more tips ...

• Be present in the moment. The past is to learn from, the future is to keep you inspired but its what you’re doing right now that counts.
• Have some direction – set yourself realistic and timely goals for your big ambitions and then break them down into smaller goals and actions
• Don’t just move straight on to the next thing - celebrate your achievements, even if it is with something small – a coffee, a massage, a new bag or pair of shoes
• Manage your time effectively and efficiently – eg. embrace a brunch or afternoon coffee to catch up with friends rather than dinner and drinks
• Make an appointment in your diary to see or speak to your mum at least once a week – and stick to it!
• Get smart with your time and combine different needs (do something fun that you’ve never done before that you’ve always wanted to do … and then ask a friend to come along – a community college course, cooking class, sporting team?)
• After a break up, treat yourself to something you didn’t do, but wanted to, when you were in the relationship
• Grab a buddy and commit to sending each other one text/email each day, starting with “today I am grateful for … – think of it as a “warm and fuzzy” for yourself!?!

Living Happy and Guilt Free

It isn’t enough that society places so much pressure on us to excel in every area our lives, but when we add our own expectations to the mix, we can really be setting ourselves up for disappointment. There are so many pressures on young people that the reality is we can become so overwhelmed that despite our achievements we are never happy with our results.

So what does it mean to be “happy” and “guilt free”? Happiness is often mistaken as being successful which can be superficially measured by how many friends we have on Facebook, how exciting we are as lovers, whether or not we’re wearing next season’s fashions now and the amount of money we hint at but never admit to having.

But this isn’t happiness – happiness is the result of getting our natural human needs in just the right balance. So what are those needs? – simply put we need to give and receive love, contribute to others’ lives and to society, have variety in our own lives, feel that we’re important, experience growth and have our own freedom.

No small feat really to balance all of this, but recognising whether you are fulfilled in each of these areas will help identify the cause behind that guilty feeling. Start with a 1-5 scale for each, 1 being very unfulfilled and 5 being very fulfilled. Now identify those areas that you feel could do with improving and start taking action (even if it is just something small like taking out your neighbour’s garbage when they’re away).

Guilt is just an emotion that we allow to influence our decisions. It is our choice whether we want it to dictate our lives. If you don’t want the guilt of not achieving to take control then make the decision now to be happy and content with who you are. Concentrate on what you need to do for yourself on an internal level and you’ll be amazed at not only how much you achieve, but also how much you appreciate what you achieve.

Stay tuned for more tips on living happy and guilt free ...